Me, My Selfie, and I

Me, My Selfie, and I
This blog is written with a cloud of irony surrounding it. I had been planning this blog for weeks. In fact, when Sara first asked me to be a contributing blogger on her wonderful site, this was the first idea that popped into my head.

I have very mixed feelings about social media and networking, which I shall share with you below. The irony occurred just today, as a matter of fact, when my editor sent me a message: “…I am giving you a “‘Most Facebook posts in one weekend’ award”.  She was totally unaware of the subject I was about to tackle.

(In my defense, my six year old nephew was staying the weekend with me, and he wanted me to post everything we did – yard work, building Legos, our discussions on international politics and the works of Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas… you name it.)

Back to the subject at hand. I realize this may rub some people the wrong way, but I am contractually obligated to stick to my guns and remain humorously honest in my feelings.

I feel that Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Instagram (and probably 124 other sites I’ve never heard of) – while entertaining and educational at times – are basically the height of narcissism and what I refer to as “passive aggressive catnip”.

Seriously, folks, why are we posting that we fixed chicken and dumplings for dinner tonight? Do we really think that Bob and Carol in Idaho want to know that we just bought a new vacuum cleaner?Does anyone really need to see pictures of your feet on the beach?

I heard someone describe Facebook, rather pessimistically but nevertheless humorously, as the opportunity for everyone who ignored you in high school to ignore you all over again. I tried Twitter for about 36 minutes, but my tweets (Twits? Twerks? What do you call them?) consisted of “woke up” and “going to bed” and “the dogs ate my credit card”. I know I’m depriving middle America of these insights, but let’s get real.

Selfies are the worst! THE WORST! I’d probably feel differently if I were young, tall, good looking, thin, and everything was still in the same place it was 20 years ago. If you fall into any of these categories, you don’t exist in my world!

I tried doing a selfie recently. I ended up in the emergency room after trying to get in a position where I would appear halfway photogenic.   I tried the duck lips to make my chipmunk cheeks look thinner. I tried the frog neck to diminish a couple of my chins. I tried hanging upside down to pretend gravity didn’t exist. I still looked like this:
Jeff Marshall selfies
All this being said, I can be found on the Facebook bandwagon more of than I’d like to admit, and I’m sure more than one person has secretly threatened my life if they see one more picture of my dogs or the garden. Then again, none of us is perfect. SUE ME!

Just don’t send me a selfie!Me, My Selfie, and I

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