Last week, we had to make a terrible decision.
We parent children with intense emotional needs. For the sake of my children’s privacy, I won’t go into specific details, but I can tell you the effects of early loss run long and deep.
A time had arrived when reaching out for more help was the safest choice.
We had known this day would probably come, but we put it off out of fear. What would be the ramifications for our child if we made this decision? For our family? We didn’t want to go there.
Had we failed as parents if we went down this road?
A Terrible Decision
The day is branded white-hot with pain into my memory.
I alternated between keeping busy and lying in bed crying. I fluttered around the house doing everything, and then I sat staring at the wall, doing nothing.
I felt vindicated and angry. I was exhausted and numb. I ached with emptiness.
I felt relieved.
My husband handled the logistics. He called me from across town with a list of details. We needed this and this, and also this.
I walked downstairs to talk to my 17 year old daughter and ask her to watch her little brother. I started to cry. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ve got you covered.”
Upstairs, I stood in the middle of a bedroom attempting to pack items. My 19 year old daughter found me frantic and useless. She hugged me. “Here, Mom, let me help.” My 13 year old son joined us, too.
It was a terrible day with a terrible decision.
Yet…I was surprised to discover the decision did not lead to a free-fall of despair.
These problems are not ones with quick fixes or easy answers, but we found new insights and resources. We rested. We prayed. Friends reached out hands to catch us. We were given comfort and support.
A Picture of Hope
One evening during these days, I drove to this building. As I drove, I cried and prayed. The situation seemed desperate and hopeless. I parked my car and as I walked toward the building, this sight greeted me.
The ark of the rainbow was not only over the building, it stopped at the exact spot where I was headed for my meeting.
God had given me a gift. I was given a picture of hope.
You may be facing a terrible decision. Do not give in to the enemy’s lies that it will lead to a free-fall of despair.
God is waiting on the other side of your decision with a picture of hope.
I just discovered you. I’m mom to a four year old little boy we adopted as a newborn. He was exposed to poly drugs and alcohol. We have huge issues. I already feel a sense of relief in reading your posts. Thank you. I wouldn’t change a second but it’s a hard life. I am going to be very busy reading your posts.
I totally feel that we are kindred spirits, Kaycee! ((HUGS))
Joyful Journey Mom says
Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful, tangible reminder of hope and faithfulness.
Starfish Mom says
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.
Sandra Zimmerman says
I don’t know what your “hard decision” is but knowing you parent special needs children makes me wonder if we had to make the same decision. It is devastating, painful but sometimes what is best for everyone. Hugs and prayers for your family
Sara @ The Holy Mess says
Sandra, I am slowly getting back to your comment. (The life of a special needs mom.) You are welcome to send me an email and maybe we can talk more! I’m at [email protected]. Hugs for whatever journey you walk.
Madeleine Melcher says
I hope you continue to see that picture of hope through your faith as you travel this journey.
God bless you Sara as you walk through this difficult time. Hope is everything – cling to it.
Tricia DeShone Bennett says