Friends, how do you know if your sex life is good?

There is one question to ask yourself to find out if your sex life is good, and with the answer you’ll know immediately. You may be surprised to discover the answer doesn’t involve sexual skills, number of times per week, or even how satisfied you or your partner feel, although all of those aspects are part of a great married sex life.

How do you know if your sex life is good?|The Holy Mess

How Do You Know If Your Sex Life is Good?

Ask yourself this question:

Is my sex life producing the fruits of the Holy Spirit?

Galatians tells us about the fruits of the Spirit:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

Is your sexual relationship producing more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control within your marriage? This is the goal.

First, sex isn’t going to work right unless it is within marriage, because this is God’s design for your life. A sexual relationship outside of marriage will have continual problems. If no one has clearly said this to you before, allow me to be the one to tell you. This isn’t old-fashioned. This is truth.

That doesn’t mean you get married and boom! sex just works right. (Don’t we all wish.) Sex is about relationship and ongoing commitment to putting someone else above yourself. This is incredibly difficult yet in time where you begin to see the beautiful results of the Holy Spirit’s work.

Marriage is a holy institution and sex within marriage is one of the closest, most intimate relationships we will have on earth. We see the ultimate example of Christ and the church. The Holy Spirit works within your marriage during your sexual relationship, and when the Holy Spirit is at work, these fruits of the Spirit are the result.

All of us can have a desire to produce more fruit of the Holy Spirit. There’s never enough! The longer you are married, I pray for you that your married sex life will produce richer and deeper gifts of peace, goodness, and faithfulness.

Fruits of the Holy Spirit are not things we work on – they are gifts. You can’t work harder at producing a fruit of the Holy Spirit, but you can work harder at your relationship with your spouse and your relationship with God.

If you are seeking for the Holy Spirit to gift your spouse a certain way, that’s an indication something is off kilter. “My husband needs to be more patient. We just had sex last night and now he wants it again.” “She needs more kindness and to stop nagging me all the time.” Focus on yourself and ways God is growing and producing fruit in your own life. Celebrate the ways the two of you growing and producing fruit as a couple.


A Question for Relationships

This question works well for relationships, too. If you are dating someone (as a young person or adult) and you wonder if this is a healthy relationship, ask yourself,

Is this relationship producing the fruits of the spirit?

Together, are we more kind? Do we have more self-control? Are we more patient with each other as we wait for marriage? A relationship with Christ at the center will produce fruits of the spirit.

As you consider your sex life and you wonder if it’s a good one, consider how the Holy Spirit is working in your relationship and producing fruits of the spirit. With God as the center of your relationship, you will grow closer to Him and to one another.

How have you seen your marriage produce fruits of the spirit?

I know for many women chocolate and a bubble bath sound way more enticing that sex at the end of a long day, but I also know that sex is supposed to be awesome in marriage. Too often we women devalue sex, and end up losing out on something amazing that God created for us.

I don’t want you to miss out on something awesome.

So when I saw Sheila Wray Gregoire’s Boost Your Libido course, I wanted to be sure I told you about it.

This is a really fun course, because Sheila is awfully funny. Each module comes with a practical assignment that can help you see immediate results. You don’t have to wait until you finish the course to start your libido revving up!

I’m passionate about marriage. I think Christians should have the best marriages possible. Get more information about the course here.

How Do You Know if Your Sex Life is Good?|The Holy Mess