Top Ten Signs It’s NOT Time to Lose Some Weight


by Jeff Marshall

Jeff Marshall, humor

It seems like every time some character in a movie or television program needs to make an important decision, they always sit down and make a PROS and CONS list.

I actually have never tried this. But my dad, who turns 77 in two months, just got his first tattoo today, so you can obviously teach an old dog new tricks. john tattoo 2john tattoo

So this 42 year old cocker spaniel is going to try something new.

Last week’s blog will obviously serve as my PROS list. If you haven’t read it, take a look at it now, and then we need to have a serious talk about your loyalty to my blog. Priorities, people, priorities!

And now, on with the CONS…

Top Ten Signs It’s NOT Time To Lose Some Weight

by Jeff Marshall

10. You’ve always wanted to prove wrong that quack who came up with the concept of ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

9. Someone has to keep the elastic business from going bankrupt!

8. When kids sit on your lap, a little cushioning is always nice.

7. Your grandma had a magnet on her refrigerator when you were growing up that said “THIN is IN, but FAT is where it’s AT” — and we don’t want to disagree with grandma!

6. It could prove cost effective to use the garden hose as both a watering mechanism AND a belt!

5. You can help the preschoolers in your area learn their numbers by letting them count your chins.

4. You’ve grown close to Troy and Little Joe. (If you have no idea what this means, you obviously haven’t read last week’s blog. What is wrong with you!?)

3. It would be really wasteful not to eat the 27 cartons of chocolate marshmallow cream ice cream in the freezer.

2. It’s not really THAT important to see your feet.

1. It is a known fact that the people of Mauritania, West Africa consider fatness a sign of prosperity — and it’s a place you’ve always dreamed of visiting.

Well, kiddos, we’ve got a lot to think about, don’t we? Got some big decisions to make. I don’t know about you, but I think this PROS and CONS stuff is for the birds. I’m just as confused as ever!