Bedroom doors are a privilege for kids at our house.
If a teenager takes technology into his or her room outside of our family technology covenant (which all 7 of us have signed), Mike takes the door off his or her room.
If we have concerns that a teenager is unsafe for any reason, Mike takes the door off his or her room.
If boundaries are crossed with the opposite sex that violate our family purity code (which 5 of us have signed — it’s for teens and parents), Mike takes the door off his or her room.
If a child continues to slam a door in fits of anger, Mike takes the door off his or her room.
The door will be returned as trust is earned back. When the child or teen has proven with the necessary behavior he or she can be trusted, Mike returns the door to the hinges.
Are we violating their privacy? No. They change clothes in the bathroom and sleep in appropriate PJs. The majority of the world sleeps in a whole house the size of their bedroom — for an entire family. I’m guessing violations of privacy are not of utmost importance in those countries.
This is not done in anger or bitterness on our part as parents. We do our best to surround this with love and eventually, discussion. It is not negotiable, however.
Just in case you are wondering, our kids hate this. That is okay because I am not my children’s friend.
I am their parent and their happiness is not my primary concern. Their spiritual and moral development is my primary concern. I love them too much to cater to their feelings.
Someday when they are adults, I certainly hope we can be very good friends, but today is not yet that day.
Sara,
I FULLY support you in this journey. I have lived with people in villages in homes like you talk about. The entire family sleeps in one giant bed that is located by a stove. That’s the entire home–yet we don’t feel as though they are bad parents to their mothers.
I pray that this post would encourage other parents.
Blessings,