My First Grade Son Does Not Have an iPhone, or any phone at all. Nor does my Fifth Grade son.
My first grade son does not have an iPhone because it would be a very expensive and dangerous toy. He does not need a phone, and he certainly does not need an iPhone.
When my now-fifth grader was in third grade, he began the chant of begging, “When can I get a phone?” I couldn’t believe he was serious. I tried to keep a straight face when I told him no, I’m not buying a third grader a phone.
My older kids chimed in, “A lot of first graders have iPhones, Mom.”
“Yeah, mom, it’s really sad when these little 6 year olds whip out phones way nicer than mine, and I’m 16.”
My seventh grade son has a flip phone.
We purchase our kids phones when they start middle school. We have a tough time getting flip phones for our kids because phone stores barely sell cheap phones anymore, and we are paying for a data plan that we have shut off.
It’s not that I’m opposed to technology. I love texting and it’s been an excellent form of communication. I like the way the kids keep in touch with us, and sometimes they share information via texting that they wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing in person. Often it’s just little tidbits about their day.
Our high school girls (ages 16 and 18) just this year upgrades to Smartphones.***
I’d like to say I’m totally comfortable with this, but to be honest I have reservations. Yet we know we have to lead our children as they grow, and they are moving into adulthood.
When you hand your child a phone with the internet, you are handing her the world in her pocket. Do parents understand this? I fear many parents do not. I realize my kids have internet access in other places. They have laptops and use the computer at home and at school. But there’s a huge difference between controlled situations and carrying it around 24/7.
When you hand your child a phone with the internet, you are handing her the world in her pocket.
We have wonderful, awesome, fantastic kids. We have also had issues with them getting into stuff on the internet that they shouldn’t, despite Mike and I putting passwords, parent controls, monitoring, and more on what they do. The temptation is huge and the variety and availability is so great. I imagine EVERY TEEN WHO USES THE INTERNET — every adult, too — has done some of this, whether it’s chat rooms, porn, online shopping, wasting time, gaming into the night, reading material that isn’t Christ-like, chatting with strangers, online relationships that take the place of real ones, and lots more.
Children online unsupervised is the same as going to another location without an adult. Would you allow your child to go to the mall without you? That’s a good indication if he is ready to handle being on the internet without your complete supervision.
When our teens were given Smartphones, we blocked many of the features. We monitor all their use of the phone.*** As they show responsible and safe use, we will gradually add more apps and open more features.
Managing Phones & Kids: What We Do
- Kids get phones starting in middle school, when they are going to activities where they might walk home, get rides with friend’s parents, etc. and need to be in touch with us. Before this time a phone is unnecessary.
- We as parents own the phone. We are paying for the phone, but even if a child pays for a phone at a later time, we as parents of the household still have a right to monitor the phone as guardians and protectors of the kids in our household.
- Because we are the parents, we have a right to read anything on the phone. No texts are to be deleted until we give permission.*** We have the right to take away the phone at any point.
- Kids pay a portion of their allowance for the phone.
- Everyone in our house (kids and adults) signs our family technology agreement. Here is a copy of our family’s: Technology Agreement
- When our children started using smartphones, we bought a subscription to TeenSafe, which is a phone monitoring service for parents. Some people object to this type of monitoring, but I believe in the value of it. We are not spying on them because they knew how we were monitoring them. The main reason we chose TeenSafe is that it shows everything — including deleted texts and chats. The one drawback to TeenSafe is that it only works on Smartphones, so you can’t use it to monitor texting if your child still has an older phone, which is what we prefer for our teens.
NEW! Printable Family Technology Agreement is a FREE download included in the Smart Parenting Hacks printable pack.
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Do you have kids and teens — how have you handled phones and the internet with them? Have you struggled personally with internet use temptations?
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Wonderful! My son’s friends have all had phones since they were in first or second grade. He’s now 13, and I know that our agreement was at 16 he could have his own… but he went to a two week band camp this Summer, I broke down and got a new ‘razor’ and allowed him to take it with him. He’s now taken it over…
I do have to say, last year, starting 7th grade, the principle told us that they did allow phones and encouraged them in school. Some of the teachers use them in their lessons, homework, etc… sigh…this year, my son is so happy that he actually can participate in the lessons since he takes the phone to school.
Talk about pressure!
I believe the agreement is perfect. I know I am a bit late with it, but will also implement this type of agreement, Thank you!!!
Never too late, Marie. Thanks for sharing your experiences!
Great post Sara. I absolutely agree with you.Thank you for linking up to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Party. I have pinned your post to the Bloggers Brags Pinterest Board.Would love to see you again next Monday.
I feel exactly the same way that you do. I have two grandchildren living with me. The older one has a smartphone and the younger a slider. I monitor them everyday. It is so scary to place the world into their hands this way
Thanks for all the comments. For those of you with young kids, it’s hard to imagine but the world of technology might be totally different by the time they are teenagers! Who would have thought our whole computers would be on our phones when our babies were little — we had no idea. Maybe our computers will be our our glasses by then. I do believe we need to be forward thinking and proceed with wisdom and discernment. I don’t think we can just cut it all out and say no. It’s part of our world and a good part. Using technology gives our kids a great leg up in the world. But it also opens some dangerous doors so we want to manage it wisely. I do believe some parents don’t realize the doors they are flinging wide open for their children.
Great post. I think our boys were the only ones in their middle school without a phone at all, at least that is what they told us. Now, as freshman in high school we are looking into phones with a disabled data plan. There is just too much bad stuff on the internet to let kids have it unsupervised. Thanks for this post.
Thanks for your insights, Robyn. It is frustrating to pay for a data plan that you don’t use — we do the same thing — but it’s worth it.
I agree with your plan! I couldn’t believe when my 3rd grade daughter started asking for a phone and tablet. I don’t even have the internet on my phone! I was amazed when I saw a bunch of kids in her grade with phones in the hallway. I know it was awhile since I was in school but in 3rd grade I barely talked to friends on the phone other then to invite them over. I wish more parents would think about why their children need a phone over just getting them one to fit in.
I know, Stephanie! I just a year or two ago got an iPhone for myself, although I admit I absolutely love it and am so glad I have it! I don’t want my kids to have it yet though. I see how I struggle to manage it as an adult — not just the content but the desire to be constantly on it.
Sara~ I appreciate your faithfulness and diligence to “be the parent”! I think sometimes its easy to get lazy in this area but I agree it’s like giving them the world! Your message is a great reminder to proceed with caution when it comes to this area of technology and our kiddos!
I think it is wonderful you do not give your children phones until absolutely necessary! I plan on doing the exact same thing. I was not allowed a phone until I could drive and I see no reason (apart from activities) my children will need one. I also thought about giving them one for pick up and activities but then taking it away once they got home. Once we are all together there is no reason they need it. We will see in the upcoming years if I keep this train of thought.
It IS hard when most kids at school have nicer phones than I have…but you are right. There is just too much information out there that they do not need immediate and private access to. Here’s prayers for each family as they decide what is right and what works for them!
EXcellent points, Sara. We let our girls upgrade to smart phones in college ;). It’s a shame that phone companies pretty much force you to have a data plan–even if you don’t want one.