by Jeff Marshall

Jeff Marshall, humor

Today I am excited to share with you something that might actually be useful. I know I normally just share with you my wacky world views and my side-splitting anecdotes – and from the tens of tens of fan letters I get, I know these are really entertaining and enlightening, but what I talk about today is actually going to be useful in your everyday life. It may even change your life!

I am going to share a game that I invented. Well, actually I don’t know if I actually invented it but I have never heard anyone else describe it, so I’m taking credit for it. Sue me!

It’s based on a Saturday Night Live sketch I saw many years ago. Truth be told, just between you and me, pretty much everything I think, quote, invent, and take credit for has actually come from a movie or television show. Thankfully, my taste in TV and film tends to be so obscure that no one realizes I’m a total utter fraud.

Anyway, you may think this is the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard in your life, but I find great enjoyment in doing it – and that’s the whole point of my blog.

Enough build up – enough suspense. Here’s how it goes:

There are so many words out there that actually have a beautiful sound to them. Names also! Come on, let’s be honest – if you hear the name Tiffany or Ashley, a different vision comes into your head than if you hear the name Bertha or Gladys. (And if any of you out there are named Bertha or Gladys, or have relatives or loved ones named Bertha or Gladys, please accept my apologies – I mean no disrespect. I’ll bet they are lovely.)

The game: come up with the most beautiful sounding word that has the worst actual meaning that could also be an awesome name for a person. It’s tougher than it sounds because you have to distance yourself from the actual definition of the word and concentrate only on its aesthetic appeal.

The ultimate example is diarrhea. Don’t think about what it refers to – just say it a couple times and listen to the beauty of the word. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. It would be a wonderful name for a sweet little girl wearing a ruffled dress and little piggy tails. I can just picture it in my mind – “Come here, Diarrhea, and give grandma a big hug!”

You know I’m right. You know it! Don’t pretend you don’t. I’m all about honesty.

Just let go of your inhibitions and go with the fun of the concept. On a cool rainy afternoon, when there’s nothing good on the television, when Netflix isn’t working, all the laundry is done, dinner is in the oven, and the kids are locked in the closet, take a few minutes and let your mind wander.

I don’t want to give away too many examples – but some other names I’ve come up with over the years have been Magnesia, Anesthesia, and Pygalgia. I won’t tell you what pygalgia means – this is a family-friendly blog – but you can find the definition in any medical dictionary.

Until next time, hope you have fun and get creative with this endeavor. What a great way to bring the family together – meditating on the beauty of Diarrhea!