There’s this other blogger, and I’m totally jealous of her.
I know, it’s a lame and immature thing, but I have these jealous thoughts and there it is. For the sake of this post I’ll call her MJIB (My Jealousy Issues Blogger).
For awhile I didn’t even realize these thoughts were there.
There were little trails of thought that swept through my mind. Whispery shifts, so quick I didn’t quite notice them. First a tiny, “How did MJIB do that,” here and then a subtle, “Well, MJIB probably just got lucky with that one,” there and the thoughts continued to grow more bold. Our enemy is so crafty in his ways.
Of course there are writers who have been blogging for years, have one million followers, and have published 10 books, but I’m not in their league. I barely compare myself to them. That’s more a hero-worship sort of thing.
MJIB and I started our websites around the same period of time. That’s where the jealous thoughts are much more dangerous. “What does MJIB have that I don’t have?” I find myself wondering.
By the way, I write a Christian blog. Those of us who write in the faith genre talk about how it’s all for the glory of God, so my words about hero worship probably sound totally narcissistic, and perhaps even sacrilegious. And maybe they are.
MJIB is a really good writer and an even smarter business woman. MJIB has a gorgeous website, she’s got a ton of followers, and she also happens to be a really nice person. (We are in some of the same online groups.) So, I can’t hate her, even if I sort of wanted to.
MJIB comes up with great topics that I see pop up in my social media, and when I see a new one, a part of me admires her, and another part of me thinks, “Drat it all, why didn’t I think of that topic?” I totally wish I had written that.
Sometimes it seems like everything she writes is spun out of gold. It all seems to work.
I know we each have our own voice and place.
I love my website. I love writing and I love all my precious, beautiful readers. (Thank you for reading. Don’t feel like you have to write and tell me you like my blog. Seriously — SERIOUSLY not the intent of this post. I promise.)
Then this happened.
Last week I went to an event where I chatted with another blogging friend of mine about our websites. Writers like to hang out and talk. It’s a way of procrastinating. (There is a large amount of procrastination involved in writing. It’s required as part of the process. Ask any writer.)
This writer friend of mine said, “Sara, I have to be honest, I’m totally jealous of your website. It’s gorgeous. And you have so many readers. How have you done it?”
I actually felt my face get a little tingly when she said that, because seriously, right before I had left for this event — not 20 minutes before this — I checked my Facebook page and felt this envious twinge about a particular new post I saw from MJIB.
My jealousy had grown over recent months. I was beyond little shifty whispers now. Jealousy wasn’t an all-out roar, but it was loud enough to be its own voice.
The friend’s words stopped me.
Wait a minute. She is jealous of me?
God woke me up with this conversation. He shook me hard enough to make my teeth rattle a little. It’s not okay for me to nurse this jealousy pity party I’d been having.
God says in Galatians,
For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.
Jealousy consumes and devours.
Do you see how to stop jealousy in its tracks? You have so many blessings that other people would only dream of owning.
Someone is praying for the blessings you take for granted.
When you are wrapped up in jealous thinking, you miss out on the life you have now. It’s a life lived over there somewhere (in the fantasy land of someone else’s life that you think is so great), and you miss out on your own today — the unique today God created for you.
I admit I still feel a tug on my heart when I see MJIB’s awesome posts roll across my computer screen. I don’t ignore the feelings, though, or allow them to fester. I admire her work and wish her well.
There’s plenty of room on the internet for both of us.
How do you deal with feelings of jealousy?
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