BY JEFF MARSHALL

 Jeff Marshall, humor

This is going to be the most controversial blog I’ve written thus far.
Heads are going to roll, jaws are going to drop, streetlights will dim, and lives will never be the same.
But, you know what, sometimes in life you gotta make waves.

I’ve never been one to jump on the bandwagon or join the crowd. I can be accused of being many things in my life, but being politically correct is not one of them.

I was, after all, the 10 year old nerd who preached to my classmates on the playground to ignore the popularity of RETURN OF THE JEDI and encouraged them to watch SILKWOOD instead. (This is a totally true story and found out recently – to my horror – that some of my classmates actually remember this happening 30 years later – I recoil in embarrassment but stand by my principles – and my remarkably good taste at such a young age!)

But back to the subject at hand… I’m mad! I’m disgusted! I’m verklempt! And this is the reason why:

cookiemonster

I’m all for healthy, organic products – I’m gung ho for eating right! But don’t use Cookie Monster to promote it! COOKIE MONSTER! One of the idols of my childhood. As I write this, I can hear his gruff, gravelly alto singing in the back of my mind: “C is for cookie that good enough for me. Oh, cookie, cookie, cookie start with C.” Cookie! COOKIE! Not carrot! Not cauliflower! And CERTAINLY not organic sweet and sour chicken!

I must admit I stopped watching SESAME STREET in my early 30s, but I heard rumors that my favorite blue creature had gone on a health kick. No! NO! I’m sure the creative minds behind Jim Henson’s legacy can come up with ANOTHER way to encourage kids to eat healthy! I don’t want to see Miss Piggy plugging Oscar Mayer, I don’t want to see Big Bird hawking KFC, and I certainly don’t want to see Cookie Monster selling sweet and sour chicken!

What’s next??? Phineas and Ferb’s herb roasted chicken with rice pilaf on bed of lettuce???? Spongebob Squarepants’ tofu crabby patties?????

Some things are sacred to me! I will gladly put my full support behind Healthy Hyena or Dino the Dietary Dinosaur or some wonderful new creature to hit home the importance of eating well as a lifestyle. But as for my beloved Cookie Monster, I want to see cookie crumbs shooting out of his mouth – I don’t want to see him wiping the Weight Watchers shake from his furry blue pie hole.

So I encourage you to stand with me in solidarity – let us refuse to shop at Toys R Us anymore until they discontinue this monstrosity (unless of course they’re having a big sale like they did the other day when I got lots of fun stuff for 90% off! – let’s not go overboard, after all!)


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