I’m treading carefully and gently with today’s topic of depression.
The above comic has been shared and liked on Facebook and Google+ at least 30 thousand times. Obviously many people see truth in it and want to share it with the world.
I don’t like it.
Depression is not foreign to me. I have experienced depression at several key times in my life. I am not ashamed to say I have taken antidepressant medication at different times throughout my adulthood. Therapy and regular exercise help manage my depression the best.
Last fall my husband Mike, at that time serving as the only pastor at our church, announced to our congregation that he was dealing with depression. He made the decision to step down from seeking the senior pastor position. To put this in perspective, in many ways his announcement and decision totally changed the trajectory of how his life and our family situation were expecting to go. The past year was a tidal wave of ups and downs within our home as Mike worked through discovering who he is and where exactly God is calling him. Facing up to all this stuff is hard and exhausting. I’m so incredibly proud of my husband for doing it! Lots of men are never brave enough to go where he has gone.
Depression runs in my family of origin too. My mom deals with debilitating depression, and tracing my family tree I’m sure other family members on both sides silently were or are suffering too.
So…with all this experience, why don’t I love this comic strip that preaches kindness and understanding? Here is why:
- “Depression is a liar.” Last summer, I hit a depressive low I haven’t felt for a number of years. Mike was spiraling down, one of my teenagers was struggling, and I realized I was starting to spin off into a tangential depression of my own. This scared me. A lot. When I realized I was spending too much time staring at the walls, and way too much time sleeping, I knew I had to get myself some help. While I was at the doctor for medication, she said to me, “Remember, depression is a liar. It will tell you things that are not true. Depression will tell you not to get out of bed. It will tell you not to go out and be with people. Every day do something that depression is telling you not to do.”
I believe in self-care, mental health days of retreating from the world, sappy movies made for crying, and my friends Ben and Jerry. My therapist Jan has a wonderful concept called, “Put a frame around it.” It’s not that I don’t take what I need at times, but I frame it. I will take today to lie in bed all day with the covers over my head – and fully embrace it. Then tomorrow I’m getting up and getting dressed. This afternoon, I’m going to grieve for all I lost in this situation and let myself cry all I want and feel all the pain and sadness. Then tonight, I’m going to write down 5 things I’m grateful for in my life.
Frame it.
- Physical illness shouldn’t be treated like this either, so we don’t get to treat our depression like this. The last time I had surgery, the nurses had me get up and walk hours after I came out of surgery. Lying in bed does no one any favors with most ailments. Studies have shown that people with optimistic frames of mind recover faster from everything.
- Depression can become a black sink hole. It will suck down the person dealing with it and if we are not careful, the people around them, too. If you are living with or caring for someone who is depressed, it is imperative you take stellar care of yourself. Rest. Get out of the house and take time for your own interests. Go to therapy or check in with helpful friends to keep your thinking clear. Ask God for help. Attend church to find spiritual refreshment.
I’m all for huge doses of compassion. I’ve also had people in my life — therapists, my husband, honest friends — who loved me enough to speak the truth when I needed to hear it, even when I hated it. Compassion is hard. Saying the truth can be tough. Compassionate truthfulness is the toughest, and the most needed.
What do you believe to be true about depression? Have you or someone you loved experienced depression?
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A well written article. I just shared the part your doc said about Depression is a liar. My daughter loved it. She has been diagnosed with bipolar depression.
I had depression for over 20 years. Mild that would flare up to a deep depression from time to time. God healed/delivered me from it. I’ve been depression free for around 12 or 13 years. I would like to encourage others. Get counselling. Take meds. Keep praying. Begin to turn it over in your mind that others (me ) have come out the other side and live without depression. And if others have, maybe just maybe I can too! It was a proess of a few years. Lots of hard work. But it’s gone! Not even a little bit of it left.
Also I was a pastor’s wife for most of the dark years.
This is really good, thanks for sharing. How have I never seen your blog before?! I’m excited to read more on your blog and perhaps connect up with you in the blogging world down the road! I found you as I am researching for a series on mental illness in motherhood I will be doing. So glad I did!
This is very well written. God really put this on my heart a year ago when my young teenage daughter attempted and was almost sucessful at commiting suicide. It is a very serious illness. I have found that the most powerful tool we have as a family is holding her hand and lovingly getting her out of bed and back into life. She is doing very well today and is now using exericise in place of medication with the approval and encouragment of her Dr.’s. Press on, continue to choose Truth!
This is a wonderful post! Depression runs in my family, as well, and I know how debilitating it can be. I am going to keep that phrase your therapist told you in mind and share it with my family. Thank you so much for linking up!
Although it’s almost one year later……GOD sent me this ! I have struggled with depression since my teens . I hate it ! Just shared with my husband , that I don’t understand why I can’t just always have ” the joy of the LORD ,” !
( We also have an adopted child who struggles . )
I love the statement about depression being a liar ! I believe that will help me when I struggle with negative thoughts ! I am working on “thinking on things that are true…..” Phil 4:8 .
Thank you and I’m definitely signing up to follow you !
Thanks so much for reading and for your comment, Cheryl. May God bless you on the road. I’m glad to hear your husband is supportive. We have a lot in common, both having children who are adopted. I look forward to your comments on future posts. 🙂
I believe depression does suck you in and make you believe things that are not true. It’s so lonely. I like the comic strip because I’ve had people tell me almost all of those statements. If it only was that easy.
It’s so hard to get people to understand that this “invisible disease” is something that is true along with anxiety and other “non visible” diseases. Depression sucks and I love what you’re counselor said about depression being a liar. I suffer from Depression and Anxiety and some day’s are worse than others. I just started blogging and I’m fixing to dive into this more. I would love to link back to this article if you don’t mind?
Hi Dana. Of course you are welcome to link back. Thanks for your comment and thanks for being willing to share your experiences! Hugs to you.
I have depression, as well. I do like the comic, because I think it illustrates the way that some people react. We have a close family member who used to tell another–a person with major depression–to “snap out of it.” So sad. Someone once told me, “Everybody has stress,” with the unspoken suggest that I just deal with it. Some people deny that depression is a real illness rather than just feeling blue for a day or two.
However, I totally agree that depression is a liar. (I think I’ve blogged about that at some point.) I’m very familiar with the strong urge to withdraw, to stay in bed, to stare at the wall–to wallow in the bad. I have to remind myself that that never helps, and sometimes I need friends to remind me, as well. In case that doesn’t work, I keep a list of what to do in case of emergency: Call someone, Go somewhere, and so on.
Thanks for writing this!
Thanks for sharing your opinion about the cartoon, Melissa. What is your blog? I LOVE the idea of keeping an emergency list of what to do when depression hits hard. I would love to see your list — if you are open to sharing it. 🙂 We all need one of those!