My Love/Hate Relationship with Facebook

My Love-Hate Relationship with Facebook

by Jeff Marshall

Jeff Marshall, humor

I have such a love/hate relationship with Facebook that I think it truly may be driving me insane. I can only compare it to ice cream – it’s not good for me, I sure as heck don’t need it, it occasionally gives me a headache, and after I’m done I spend a good hour thinking about all the better things I could have been eating instead.

But dog gonnit if it isn’t the most fascinating insight into people I’ve ever seen in my life!

I have written about Facebook and social media before in one of my previous and most popular blogs, ME, MY SELFIE, AND I, but that was almost 18 months ago, and I’ve since delved into new insights.

Let me begin by saying this. If you indulge in any of the reprehensible shenanigans I describe below, this is not a personal attack and I don’t hold it against you. I have been guilty myself of falling into most, if not all, of the social media traps that bug me to no end – but it’s much more fun to holler at someone else for doing them. I’ll deal with the log in my own eye later this afternoon…

Reprehensible Shenanigans You Should Not Post on Facebook

by Jeff Marshall

  • The other day someone posted a Facebook status which was directed at someone they had removed from their Facebook friends in which they described how glad they were not to have them on Facebook anymore and how they don’t like the drama of it all. First, why are you sending a message to someone who obviously can’t read it? Second, if you don’t like drama, why are you creating it by posting a message that everyone can read – except the person to whom it’s supposedly directed? Third, why does this get under my skin as much as it does and why do I care? I’ll tell you why – because I’m getting old and cranky, AND I don’t like to see people turning themselves into passive aggressive buffoons!

 

  • Another person recently posted a picture of their child sick in bed with the flu. Sorry, folks, if I was said child, I would have thrown such a fit it would have made Justin Bieber look tame by comparison. Selfies are evil, as I’ve preached before, but to take a picture of someone running a fever after they’ve tossed their cookies, let alone your own flesh and blood, and then post it on a worldwide photo album… Unbelievable!

 

  • What about Candy Crush, you ask? The only invitation I shall accept better include a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup upon my arrival.

 

  • I don’t want to see a picture of your dinner unless you plan to bring me a doggy bag afterwards.

 

  • Pictures of skinny people eating large amounts of food are grounds for immediate dismissal and a report of lewd material to Mark Zuckerberg himself.

 

  • If you’re not feeling well, I truly am sorry, but I don’t want to read all the gory details that make me more knowledgeable of your medical history than my own.

So, I can hear you all now – “So, Mr. Sour Britches, what’s acceptable for us mere mortals to do on Facebook?”

Thank you for asking, smart alleck.

Acceptable Content You May Post on Facebook

by Jeff Marshall

  • Pictures of parents, children, and pets are permissible in moderation – more than 40 a day is not acceptable.

 

  • Sharing recipes, particularly those involving chocolate and cheese, are OK as long as they have been approved by the FDA.

 

  • There’s something about Dubsmash videos that crack me up – so keep ‘em coming. No naughty language please.

 

Okay, I actually feel much better now and think I can manage to get through another week.

As I ponder which Golden Girl I am, how well I know the lyrics to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and which Disney song is the most about me, I wish you a fond farewell and happy interneting!

What do you love/hate about Facebook? Comment below and tell us about it!