- You Are Not Alone (with Depression & Anxiety)
- Depression Does Not Define You
- What Does Depression Look Like?
- 10 Encouraging Bible Verses to Ease Depression
- Navigating Tough Parenting of Teens: When Your Daughter Wants to Dye Her Hair Blue
- How to Manage Depression and Chronic Pain
- Truths About Depression: Stuff You Don’t Want to Hear
- I Got Punched in the Face This Weekend
- Straight Talk About How to Survive Heartbreaking Grief
- For a Day When You Need Motivation
- Sometimes Grief Comes From Unexpected Places
- For Parents of a Teen Who Had a Near Miss
- 10 Simple Ways to Bring Creativity to Your Life
- A Depression Solution: Speak!
- Q & A with a Therapist about Depression
- 4 Realistic Steps to Motivation When You Are Depressed {Based on Research!)
- How To Get In A Good Mood When Depressed
- Is it Okay to Avoid Pain?
- How Can I Serve If I’m Depressed?
- Do You Have Angry Depression?
- A Room Full of Love: Thoughts After a Loved One’s Suicide
- Top 5 Offbeat I’m Depressed and Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now Movies
- What You Need to Know about Postpartum Depression
- Why You Need More Mental Flexibility
- How To Stop Stress Eating
- How to Exercise When You Don’t Feel Like It – 10 Workout Motivation Tips
- A Cure for Panic Attacks: The Potato Chip Method
- Can’t Sleep? Read This at 3:00 AM (When Depression Causes Insomnia)
- Secondary Traumatic Stress: How I Found Healing
- You Were Set Free For a Reason: A Daily Devotion about Freedom in Christ
- If You Write, Please Read This. (Plus, a FREE GIFT for All!)
For Parents of a Teen Who Had a Near Miss
What is a near miss with a teen? A near miss is a situation with a teen when his or her life was in danger, whether inside or outside the teen’s control. This could be a suicide attempt, a car accident, a drug overdose, a medical issue, or many others.
After parenting teens for years, this is a composite from several of our most difficult experiences.
(This is an honest writing of my feelings on that day and not intended for children to read.)
When I got the news one of my teens had a near miss, my first reaction is one of ridiculous selfishness.
I am mad that my day’s plans are ruined. Heck, my whole week probably. (My whole life?)
I am utterly, absolutely crazy mad. Strings of swear words I normally don’t say just spew. I swear. I swear more. I text curse words to my husband. I bang things around. I am fed up and anger pours forth.
We have given this child absolutely everything. Every opportunity. Every chance. Every possible coping strategy. No, of course our family isn’t perfect. We have our stuff. But this kid has a pretty f-ing damn good life. Damn good. What is so bad about our life to resort to THIS. THIS?! Come on!
Our child wanted to get our attention — and got it. Seriously got it.
Then, I feel the fear. The OH.MY.GOD.WHAT.COULD.HAVE.HAPPENED. fear. It comes crashing in very very very fast. It sinks down deep into the heaving pit of my stomach, hard and rock solid fast.
Lightening quick, it’s gone again.
The anger returns, sweeping up fast, and together with it a new, aching dark void.
The aching is — I don’t want this. Please, please make this problem go away. Can this day go away? Is there a way to somehow change this?
There is no changing this.
Now we must go and do nightmarish, hellish things I seriously do not want to do. My mind sorts through organizational, methodical carefully planned methods. Planning is my go-to. Surely I can right this wrong with enough tightly crafted intricate detailing.
It’s no use. I cannot organize this problem away.
We must go and deal. We must face doctors and hospitals and insurance and many decisions. And questions — oh the invasive question upon question that screams in our faces, “You suck at being parents!!!”
I want to stop these medical people. I want to hold them by the shoulders and say — “Wait! Look me in the eye. Look at us. We are different, you see. Can’t you tell?”
The professionals, they are…professional. They are not especially kind, not especially unkind. They are doing their jobs. We are not different. We are no different from the hundreds of other families they see over the course of a month, a year. In between us, we hear them chatting in the hall about vacation plans and who gets the next lunch break, as our world breaks to pieces.
How dare they seriously even.
I want to be different. What is different? I think of families that sit around drinking massive quantities of beer, collect unemployment and watch porn in the childrens’ presence. Aren’t those the types of families that have these problems?
Aren’t teens from troubled families the ones that go to these near-miss extremes? Not ones like ours. Not ones like mine.
Yet here we are. Here I am.
~~~
Reality comes in pieces. The first punch hits later while I’m in the shower. I hold onto the wall as huge gulping sobs overtake my whole body.
Today could have been so different. Why was I so angry?
There are parents who experience such a different day — a totally, completely different day.
We could have been planning a funeral today.
Oh my great God in heaven, we could have been planning a funeral today. How do you even plan such a funeral? Who would have done the servi… STOP. Don’t think it. Don’t even let your mind think such things.
Sweet Jesus forgive me for my anger. Be with those parents. Comfort them in their grief. Forgive me. Thank you for the gift of life.
Whatever we have to work on, we will do it. We will work through it. We will support. We will comfort. We will encourage. We are all here. We are safe.
We are alive.
Today’s near miss with our teen could have been a totally different day.
The Hope Toolbox
Throughout this series, each of us is creating My Hope Toolbox, your own personal list of resources you can use for the bad days. Whether it’s go for a run, listen to music, or sit in the sunshine, we all need activities we know will help move us toward healing, even when we don’t FEEL like doing them. Use My Hope Toolbox Printable Kit (click here for the link) or a journal of your own.
What will you add to your Hope Toolbox today?
Today’s Bible Memory Verse:
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1
Today’s Journaling Prompt:
Have you or someone you know been through a near miss situation with a teen? How has God helped provided grace and provision through that situation?
Helpful Resources:
The Holy Mess: When Someone You Love Has Depression and YOU Are Going Crazy
The Holy Mess: How to Have Compassion for Sadness (podcast)
Live and Love Deeply: 11 Tips for Preventing and Fighting Depression
The Architect and the Artist: Verses of Hope
She Is Sacred: The Day I Contemplated Suicide
- You Are Not Alone
- Depression Does Not Define You
- What Does Depression Look Like?
- 10 Encouraging Bible Verses to Ease Depression
- When Your Daughter Wants to Dye Her Hair Blue
- How to Manage Depression and Chronic Pain
- Truths About Depression: Stuff You Don’t Want to Hear
- I Got Punched in the Face This Weekend
- Straight Talk About How to Survive Heartbreaking Grief
- For a Day When You Need Motivation
- Sometimes Grief Comes From Unexpected Places
- For Parents of a Teen Who Had a Near Miss
- 10 Simple Ways to Bring Creativity to Your Life
- A Depression Solution: Speak!
- Q & A with a Therapist about Depression
- Research Shows 4 Keys to Motivation When You Are Depressed
- 101 Ways to Boost Your Mood Immediately
- Is it Okay to Avoid Pain?
- How Can I Serve If I’m Depressed?
- Do You Have Angry Depression?
- A Room Full of Love: Thoughts After a Loved One’s Suicide
- Top 5 Offbeat I’m Depressed and Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now Movies
- What You Need to Know about Postpartum Depression
- Why You Need More Mental Flexibility
- How to Eat Healthy When You Don’t Feel Like It
- How to Exercise When You Don’t Feel Like It
- A Cure for Panic Attacks: The Potato Chip Method
- Can’t Sleep? Read This at 3:00 AM
- Do You Have Secondary Traumatic Stress?
- You Were Set Free For a Reason
- If You Write, Please Read This. (Plus, a FREE GIFT for All!)
I know exactly how your feel. Praying for you, my friend!
Sara this is very brave of you to write, but it’s also brave to live. Anytime we, as parents, have to live out our worst nightmare of worst fear it changes us. I’m thankful for serving a loving God who helps us change in a good way, but it still hurts in the process, and long after! Prayers for you and your family and all of us who fight those battles no one ever chooses…
Thank you, Carol! I don’t feel brave but I’m thankful to God for bringing us through.
hi sara, i can identify with your reaction to what happened. i think my nursiness is very similar. first i want to organize the problem. the tears don’t come until much later! if it is personal with a kid or family member, my initial response is anger. it’s my first response to myself too! i hate that. great post with resources. i enjoyed dropping by:)
Thanks for sharing, Martha. It’s really helpful to hear you have that anger response at first, too. I heard someone explain it once that it’s like when you stub your toe — the first reaction to pain is the anger (swear word or something), then the pain/sadness/ouch sets in. So it does make sense in its own way. Anger is the top layer.
it makes sense sara:)
Oh Sara, my heart broke for you as I read this. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be in that situation, but I imagine it’s life-changing. Saying a prayer today for all the parents walking through this right this very moment. *hugs to you*
Thank you so much for the prayers and hugs!