Every Test in Your Life Makes You Bitter or Better. The Holy Mess

This entry is part 27 of 32 in the series Still Standing

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For therapy today, our family piles on couches and chairs in the living room to watch a video.

Aaron, our attachment therapist, is showing our son a video and wants our family to watch it together.

We will watch a short video clip of Jack Black’s trip to Uganda for the Red Nose Day Special. (The clip is below.)

Aaron has warned us that this video could be triggering for our son.

We might see difficult behaviors, but Aaron feels this is important for him to watch. With the right structure in place, our son can handle it.

Aaron often uses videos as part of his therapy. Later we will watch Antwone Fisher, but my son isn’t ready for that intensity yet.

When Kids Act Entitled

Like many kids today, my son sometimes talks with a sense of entitlement, and Aaron quickly catches this language and correct it. He tells our son that his backpack, his papers, his toys (things he fiercely demands and argues over with siblings and classmates) are not his.

My son’s items and treasured possessions belong to us as his parents, who worked for them. Until he gets a job and works for them, he has no right to claim them as he has been.

Aaron also wants my son to appreciate what God has given him, which is why we are watching the video we will watch today.

Aaron prepares my son for the difficulty of this video, and they talk about ways to handle the emotions that might come up.

Then together, we watch about a boy who doesn’t have a family

My Mom Could Die

After the video, Aaron asks us to share our thoughts. Our older teens share about how they realize it’s easy for us in the United States to take a good education for granted.

My husband and I share our thankfulness for our many blessings.

My son is quiet. Aaron asks how he is processing what he saw. He slides down off the couch to fiddle with a toy pirate ship in a bucket at his feet. He doesn’t answer at first.

“The boy in the video?” my son says. “His mom died.”

“True.” Aaron said.

“My mom could die.”

“That’s true,” Aaron says, “I don’t think that will happen soon, but it is possible.”

“Then I will never see her again, and I miss her.” I realize then my son is talking about his birth mom.

“And you are worried about that,” Aaron responds.

“Yes,” my son answers, still concentrating on the toy before him.

“That’s an understandable concern,” Aaron tells him. “Lots of kids in your situation have those feelings. They feel guilty for feeling that way, but they don’t need to feel guilty. That’s normal. They are worried about their birth parents and wonder how they are doing.”

Aaron continues, “Look at Felix. You are at a point where you have choices to make in your life. You’ve been given a lot. You have a family who loves you. You have parents here who care about you and take great care of you. Don’t throw away the opportunities you’ve been given. Every test you face in your life will make you bitter or better. Use it to make you better.”