This entry is part 22 of 32 in the series Still Standing

My son’s attachment therapist and I are sitting on the front porch swing discussing my boy, school choices for next year, and how to advocate best for what my son needs.

I’m so exhausted.

This is a bone-weary exhaustion that runs long and deep. I go to bed tired and I wake up tired.

When my son first came home from his hospitalization, we braced ourselves. I couldn’t get my adreneline up high enough to deal with his behaviors. I was already exhausted going in.

I’m not blind to the fact that this therapy for my son is as much parent-training as child-training.

We are good parents. We’ve been good parents for a long time. I am humbled.

This type of parenting, it doesn’t require good. It requires way beyond good. Parenting these children requires exceptional skill.

Aaron and I have discussed on several occasions the possibility that Medicaid could pull the funding for his therapy. Aaron’s work is expensive because what he does is intense, and naturally Medicaid doesn’t like to pay for intense.

Insurance runs in crisis-mode not prevention-mode.

Aaron tells me that what could happen is that if Medicaid pulls funding, he will have to see my son less, and the chances are high that my son will end up back in the hospital. The other possibility is that if we get the school option we are advocating for, Medicaid will refuse to pay for the therapeutic part of the day-treatment school.

I break down and cry as he’s talking.

I just can’t keep doing all of this. I AM SO FREAKIN’ TIRED. When is someone going to cut us some slack here?

We are trying to save the world from a person living in it without a conscious. Do they realize this? Do they realize we are trying to raise a good, decent human being?

Do they realize the dangers that await if we do not? Could someone please help us out a little bit here? Geez.

I can parent like this — mostly — or I can advocate for this crazy stuff, but good grief, both are full time jobs.

Aaron tells me, “Your advocating for him is just as important as your parenting of him. These are the two equally important jobs of every parent.”
Speak Your Truth.|The Holy Mess

Still StandingStill Standing|The Holy Mess

Bible Verse

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1

Journal Prompt

How are you called to advocate for what is right in your life today?

Resources
The two equally important jobs of every parent|the Holy Mess

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